IT'S FINISHED

It has been awhile since I have blogged. I was up in northern Illinois with my Mom May and June. She went in the hospital and from there nursing home, last February. I came home June 11th.. My baby daughter renewed her wedding vows in a church setting. That was different but beautiful. Then there was gardening. Then on July 26th I got a phone call that my Mom was in allot of pain, from my brother I told them to get her to the hospital. Then on Monday the 27th they called and said Mom was going to have to have surgery. She had diverticulitis and she had puss bags all in her stomach and then laying on her colon. They scheduled her for surgery for the 30th. Mom wanted to know what we thought. I said what ever she wanted. Mom decided to do the surgery.. I left on that Monday, I got there that evening. Gina took me to Champaign and my brother and his friend picked me up and took me on to Rock Island. I went to the hospital the very next morning, Mom wanted me to get some rest. Well anyway's, I stayed at the hospital most of the day on Tuesday, my sister and my Mom's husband (Grandpa). Then on Wednesday morning Mom called me and said Debbie, they are taking me to ICU, my heart rate and b/p is very low. Well of course you get dressed and you run out the door. They were having problems getting a vein in her. The Dr. had said on Tuesday, she would be a high risk factor if she had that surgery. But on Wednesday he said surgery had been postponed. Well Mom kept getting weaker as the day went on. The nurses and staff in the ICU were excellent. Mom said to her nurse that she was going home , the nurse said where is that, and Mom said she was going to heaven. She wanted us to call her sister, 3 of my girls. My sister's kids were there in and out. She told the girls bye. She asked for a dear friend of hers. It was very hard to understand mom. Around 7 pm. That evening might of been around 8 mom never said another word. Thursday morning the kidney Dr. came in and said Mom's kidney's had shut down. And her DNR stated if the only way she was to be kept alive was by machines then she did not want placed on them. So it was decided by family not to put her on. The bottom part of her heart was the only thing working.
I had my daughter to sing a song that was a Grandma song. I placed the phone up on her shoulder and put it on speaker. Mom had a tear running down her face. I knew she had heard it.Then they took everything away from Mom but her oxygen. On Friday the decision was made to highly sedated mom and to take her off the oxygen. When you are put in these shoes you think about things very closely and wonder if you are doing the right thing. Now let me say this. Many times in the last 4 years MOM had come out of it. So I was still waiting for her to come out of it. So they move Mom up to a different floor, to a step before hospice. The Dr. told us if mother was still hanging on , on Saturday that she would move to full hospice. Well the day progresses and family that was lived in the Quad Cities and some close friends. Were there with us. Other's like my daughter's and my Aunt and Uncles were waiting to hear from us. Do to jobs and such they would not be able to come until. Anyways it had been a long day. I had been outside and such talking to my sister-in-law and others on phone. I went back into the room. And my sister Tammy was up in mom's bed. So someone put the side rail down for me. I laid up on mom's and her and I just laid there. Now let me mention this I left Grandpa out, and didn't mean to. He was holding my Mom's hand. Now we are losing a Mother here. But he was losing his life. We had our families to go home to. He was never going to hear my Mom yell at him again. DOYLE !!!!!!! And I say that with the deepest respect for him and my Mother. For those who knew my mom knows what I am talking about. Well I am jumping around so let me get back to where I said. GO and prepare a place for us. Mom raised her head and her face distorted her eyes fluttered and rolled back in her head. And she laid back down and Mom was gone. I do not know what was going on for those 3 days with Mom only Mom and Jesus know. But I do know this she is at peace. A peace that she has never had before. I have said all this to come to this.
My mom and I had not always had a wonderful relationship. When I became an adult I just drifted away. I had always felt like I never was wanted in the family. I was different I was the shortest, I was the heaviest of all of us. Mom and I argued allot when I became an adult. When I was a kid I tried to do what I was suppose to. I am sure there were times I did not. I was not as outgoing then than now. And still today I have a reserved side to me. Anyways I had anger and bitterness in my heart towards my mom. I felt like I was being put down no matter what I did as an adult. A few years ago I moved to Beaumont Texas. She would harp on me every time I talked to her on the phone. About numerous of things. And how I was wrong. And I said to her one time do you talk to my brother and sister like you do me. And she would say NO . And I just here we are just like when I was a kid. Anyways Let me say this. In 2004 I came back to southern Indiana . I was a mad lady, angry, mad at everyone in my life past and present. Mad at God , mad at my husband who had gone home to be with the Lord in 86. For once in my life I wanted people to step up to the plate and say hey I am sorry I have done you wrong. I am sorry I have hurt you. I am so sorry I love you. But you know what no one would do that . NO ONE at all. Once in a while I would go to my daughter's church and visit. Her husband is a minister at a little country church in Mt. Vernon Indiana. And the people in that church are genuine people, they love the Lord. And every time I went to that Church I would feel their love. And I would get in my car and I would head home and I would cry.

Okay I need to say this. My relationship with my kids had meant more to me than life it's self. But when I got like this I had pushed my kids aside. And everyone else. I mean after all I was hurt. Deeply hurt, and someone was going to have to pay for it. But that didn't work. Cause I would get off phone with them. And cry like a baby, what in this world was wrong with me. It was not their fault, that I hurt so badly. It was not their fault, that people had hurt me. It was not their fault my mom and I never seen eye to eye. It was my fault. Yep I did I said it . It was my fault. I wanted that relationship with my mom, and most of all with my kids. And with my LORD and SAVIOUR JESUS. I wanted it more than I wanted gas in my car. God had brought me through so much as a kid. As an adult, seen me through the lost of my husband, seen me through raising the girls. And boy if he had not I would be in a place going blblblblblbl.

Okay I am about finished. About 2005 I got a call to come home they had put mom on a ventilator. So I go home me and the girls. Mom pulled out. That is when things started changing in me. I wanted a relationship with my mom I had never had before in my life. I wanted that relationship that I had , had with my daughters. When they would pass me by I would put my hands on them. Rub their back or what ever it maybe. 2007 I went home for mother's day. Mom was in nursing home then. I went home to surprise her stayed 3 weeks. She complained she wanted me to come home when she got out. But I wanted to be there then. I went and seen her about everyday. Unless I was not feeling well.
When I went home in May of this year when I would tell my mom by I would go over and put my head on her shoulder. And say mom tell them to pull this bed up to you. And I will just sit in here and lay with you. And we will watch t.v. She would say no I can't afford that. My mom was a cranky lady but, she had a wonderful sense of humor. When Mom came home on June 10th from being gone since February. I knew something was not right with her. She was a different person. More angry and hateful than ever. It was like a vengeful anger. Anyways I came home. And I would call and talk to her everyday. I can say this My mom and I had a wonderful relationship. I had forgiven her. For everything that I thought she had done not right to me. Most of all I forgave myself. I asked God to change me, not for God to change them. But for God to change me. I came to this conclusion. People were still going to act like they wanted to. They did not care if I was mad, upset or angry. That did not bother them. They were going on living their life. The way they wanted to. I was the one still having anger, bitterness, unforgiveness.

There is one part I left out. That is very important. That Wednesday morning, that Mom called me and said Debbie they are taking me to ICU. When I got off the phone. I was sitting on the side of my Mom's bed. Trying to get my bearings together. This is what came to me. It is a song. IT's finished the battle is over , it's finished there will be no more wars. It's finished the end of our conquest it's finished and JESUS IS LORD. I knew my Mom was not coming back. I knew it. But still my flesh wanted her.

Well my mom had a wonderful memorial service. Not a funeral it was all about my mom. She always did like to be doted on. And she was still in her casket. I had found a book like a journal in my mom's room. I gave it to my sister, she carried it with her where she went. She had wrote things in it to my mom. She got up and read it, it was beautiful. The group in her church sang some favorite songs my mom had wanted played and sang at her funeral. Her and my oldest daughter would talk on phone and sing. And she had told her songs she wanted done at her funeral and she gave them to us. Mom loved talking to her granddaughter's on phone. I say the girls cause I do not know that she talked to the grandsons as much as she did some of her granddaughters. My daughter Becca, and Gina sang a song Angels in waiting. My brother sang a couple songs. A gentleman from her church read a passage and spoke of mom. How she had taught him things and she was a great lady. But then he said this, that Doyle, (Grandpa) had taught him patience. And everyone started laughing. Cause it was true, he was a great husband to her. He misses her so. Her niece read a poem. Can't remember the name of it. It was a poem she had heard and she wanted it sang. Gina had heard this Grandma song one time and she called mom and sang it to her. Well mom wanted it sang at her funeral. Gina did it, I am telling you only by God' s love did she do it. I get teary eyed thinking of it. She came off the platform went to the head of my mom's casket and sang that song to my mom. Mom had her finale here on earth.
See I have warm thoughts of my mom now. I am so glad that I asked God to change me.. I had finally in my life had that relationship with my mom. That I had never had. I thought she was a cranky lady, a hateful lady. But most of all I LOVED HER. I do not want to think if I had not asked God to change ME. How I would react today about all of this.

But I am fixing to stop burning this board up. A few weeks ago my daughter Gina gave a testimony in church about my mom. She said this what away to pass away. With both daughter's beside her. When she took her last breathe. And I thought and thought on that. And since she said that things have been better. I am not going to say I do not miss my mom cause I do.But I will say this , It IS FINISHED HER BATTLE IS OVER IT IS FINISHED SHE WILL HAVE NO MORE WARS IT IS FINISHED THE END OF HER CONQUEST IT IS FINISHED AND JESUS IS LORD.
God bless
Nan

Sigh of Love

I received this in an email today. So I copied and pasted here so everyone could see. I thought it was precious. But what I could not copy and paste was pictures of puppies. But read this with an open heart. I really new what it was saying. A few weeks ago my youngest daughter had a wedding that she has always wanted. They had been married for 5 years on June 21st. So they had a wedding, bridesmaids and all the stuff. My oldest daughter was making her a wedding cake and it was melting. The frosting was humid outside and doors opening and shutting. She was getting frustrated, anyone would. Usually when you are trying to make something very special it messes up. She bakes and decorates out of this world. It was a talent from God not inherited. LOL. Anyways she called me to come over if I could. I was at the church, we prayed. And I felt the SIGH. Now read the passage below and you will know what it is talking about.

Love Nan




THIS IS A TERRIFIC STORY, BUT YOU MUST READ IT, DON'T JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES!!!!!
Puppy Size This is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You will know precisely what this little girl is talking about at the end (you'll want to share this one with your loved ones and special friends)! 'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to This animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this,' the mother told the volunteer. 'What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked. 'Puppy size!' replied the mother. 'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.' 'I know... we have seen most of them, ' the mom said in frustration... Just then Danielle came walking into the office 'Well, did you find one?' asked her mom. 'No, not this time,' Danielle said with sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the weekend?'
The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed 'You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply,' the volunteer said.. Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. 'Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend,' she said. Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. 'It's this weekend or we're not looking anymore,' Dad finally said in frustration.
'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added. Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.' It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer. 'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!' She screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'

'But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,' Mom said. 'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,' she said. 'Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!' The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both. 'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said. Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!' Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day. They are the sighs of God Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear. 'Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.'

I hope your life is filled with Sighs!!!

Heavy Heart

My heart has been heavy for awhile now. I look around at the things going on. We are having 70 degree weather in the month that is to be one of the hottest months of the summer. And in May and June it was 90 degree weather. The economy is terrible, everyday we here people losing their jobs. And my heart remains heavy. I have loved one's I know that is not prepared physically and spiritually. I am not judging I know them. My heart hurts for them. I am seeing families with words being between them. Things is not right. I heard our preacher, say today.
We are to much into ourselves, that we don't think about the other people. And I pondered on that in church. And I thought you know he is right. I don't pray like I should. Cause there are some situations in my own family I just need to pray pray pray. Or I pray and instead of letting God take it from there. I think I need to add a comment that is not nice. I need to pray and leave it alone. God does not need my help. Even though there have been times that I think he does. And all I do is just mess things up. I need to see if there is anything I can do. Like go spend the day with them or something.I pray for each of you who read this. And I pray when you say your prayers. That you pray for your loved ones and your neighbors you family and your friends. Thank God for the day that we are in. Do not go to sleep with unforgiveness in your heart. This is so heavy on my heart.

Let's pray Lord God I ask that you minister to each person that reads this passage. I pray that you touch their lives physically, emotionally and in every way that they need it. I pray that you minister to them and let them feel the presence of the Lord from the top of their head to the bottom of their feet. I pray that if they do not know God that they will give their heart to you. Lord I love you and I believe that you are the king of kings and the Lord of Lord's. Lord I thank you for each person in my life I pray you touch them. In the way that they need a blessing. I ask that you send food to the hungry. Lord I ask these things in Jesus name Amen.

God bless
Nana

Strong Like a Pineapple

Well I thought I would get on here for a few minutes and read the blogs. I am so blessed to read some of your blogs. It blesses me what people have to say. I am seeing things getting to turn and look ugly in this world. And that is why we need to rely on our heavenly FATHER. And make sure we have things shored up with him. He is great and mighty and can handle the things in our lives when we can't. A few weeks ago I told someone I had a peace of God that I have not had in years. Well when you make statements like that. You better make sure you know there are waves fixing to come your way. But even though things are coming I still have that peace of GOD. It is like when you have a pineapple and you have to peel the brown tough skin off it. Then you have to half into to then you have to take the core out to get to the good fruit that God has for us to eat. That is how I feel about the peace it is like that core in the pineapple. It is strong and deep in that fruit matter fact that is the length of the pineapple. But it is good just like the peace of God is. You have to lean on the everlasting arms. What a fellowship what a peace of mine leaning on the everlasting arms. I have blessed peace with the Lord Divine leaning on the everlasting arms. There you go how did you like my song.

I pray that God give you a peace in your hearts. I pray for each and everyone of you that come and read this blog. Have a safe weekend. Please keep our family in your prayers.


God bless
Love Nan

Wedding

Well with the Lord's help I survived the last month when I was up north with my Mom. And I survived this past weekend. With my daughter who has been married for 5 years she finally got to have the wedding she has always wanted. And she was absolutley beautiful. And for everyone that had a hand in it from the beginning to the end. I ask that God rain many blessings upon each of you. From the banana muffins to the last person that was sitted in the pew at the church. It really went off well. But I do have to tell a funny story. The bride and her ladies were suppose to get ready at Gina's house here. And we had someone at the church to call for us when it was ready. So here I am the bride's mother just waiting around. And Kris call's for us to come over I said give us 5 minutes. Then I had a brain freeze and I said oh I am not in the wedding party I am the mother of the bride. I need to get over there now. I do not know what I was thinking. LOL. But heck half the time I do not know what I was thinking. Anyways, Everyone did a wonderful job. Please continue to pray for all of us. Cause that is the only thing that is going to get us through these days to come. Prayer prayer and more prayer.

God sustains us when know one else can. Well have a good week and rest in the arms of Jesus.

Love Nan

The Power and Love of Prayer

It has been awhile since I have posted on here. As some of you know, I had to go to the Quad Cities where my mother lives. Back in February she had a heart attack that took her to the hospital and from there cause she was very weak, she ended up going to a nursing home there. Where she has a good friend who is a nurse there. Anyways since Feb she has been to the hospital 5 times. And on mother's day, at 7:52 in the am. I got a phone call that took her back to the hospital, so I decided from that I needed to go up there and I was right. So her visit to the hospital that time was for 3 days then back to the nursing home. A meeting about her care, we had and they made a discharge date for June 11th. Cause for the rules of insurance you are only able to stay for 100 days. Unless you have private care, or the state kicks in. And that is with their John Deere Insurance, and their Medicare. Anyways the Monday before she was to come home she ended up sick and back in the hospital. That made the 5th trip to the hospital since Feb. Well she is home now, she has a deck and a ramp in her bedroom. But she is weak and can't get out of bed with out assistance.
You know while I was visiting my mother in the nursing home and hospital. All I wanted to do is curl up beside her and she hold me or me hold her. That is something I never had when I was a child. And I have always done that to me girls. And still do to this day and my oldest is 34 in a few weeks and my youngest will be 27 in Sept. And when they come and lay on my shoulder or walk up to me and say I need you to hug me. I automatically do that, I mean after all I am their mother. I wanted to feel that love that my girls feel when I hug and love on them. I am here to tell you if you have a sour relationship with one of your parents, or siblings or whom ever it might be. Ask God to help you look at things different, and trust me when you ask God to help you with that situation he will. And things will start happening that will floor you. How do I know cause it has happened to me. Now when I leave her house or hang up with her on the phone, we always say we love each other, and she started saying I love you the mostest. And which ever one says it first, says you got me. See I know my will be called home one day. And I do not want it to be the last word I said to her was cross. I want to remember the last word I said was I love you.
I want to take the time to tell some of you readers, that thank you so very much. For your prayers. See prayers work,no matter what they work. I called home on a Sunday am. And I said Gina I really need you to pray. She text me something Exodus 14:14 And I have not forgotten it. Be calm and let the Father do the fighting. That is not King James version but it means the same.
Well I need to get off here. We have a wedding this weekend. Pray for the peace of God Please. They are already married, she just wanted to have the wedding.
Well God Bless

Love Nan

Prayer

It has been a couple of days since I have written anything. And the reason for that is my heart is so burdened with things on it. The things of this world going on around us. Family and friends. And I am not sure what is going to come out of my heart today. I pray that I say things right and do not offend anyone. But at same time try to express how I feel. When you read this I would love everyone to pray for my 73 year old Mother. Pray God's will for her please. You know when you had your children and how your heart was so joyous and happy. But when they got sick for the first time it was like what can I do. So you do what you can, Pray for them and what the Dr. told you to do. And there was moments and times when this was going on. That it seemed like they might be getting worse at times than better. So you would pray and pray and pray and believe God and pray more. Then things got better. Well this is how I have felt when it has come to my Mom. Cause she lives about 9 hours from me.Well My mom has copd and that is congestive heart failure. She has been away from home about 3 mths this time I think. And it was at hospital for 2 weeks then to the nursing home. Now that she has been at nursing home she has been back to hospital 3 times. And recent was on saturday. She has pneumonia again for the 3rd time since she has been at nursing home. I want to go see my mom last time I seen her was 2 years ago. And in that time I have let go of alot of things of unforgiveness in me. I can truly sit here and tell you. I am 53 years old and I truly love my mom with every once of being in me. And I thought I would never feel that way. And it feels so good. To be free of that bondage that was keeping me down. So if you are reading this and you have a hurt in your heart that hurts everytime you mention something about it. And think you are always going to feel that way. Well I am here to tell you that it will come to pass. IF IF IF you turn every thing about that situation over to God and let him heal your heart and put that boundless love in your heart. You know like that song goes, boundless love boundless love it has conquered all the death from the grave grave, boundless love boundless love for those are saved.

Hm now think of that one we are saved by someone who has unlimited love for us. Wow that is a strong statement isn't it. UNLIMITED is wow alot of love. So if i stink , he loves me, if i hate he loves me, if i am hateful to people he loves me. If i am a awful person no matter what he loves me. If someone kills he loves me. And all I have to do is ask him to forgive me, and he will forgive me, and I get to go to his house and live for ever. Now the odd thing about this is,this. All those things I mentioned Jesus forgives me. But if we walk up to someone and they dot smell as good as we think they should well we walk away. Did you ever think you are the only Jesus person that they might see that day. Think about that if you are my age or older you probably have grand kids. And you just can't wait for them to come and spend time with you. So you plan stuff for ya'll or you sit and enjoy one another. Well think about it this way Jesus is planning or home for us. Also he sits at the right hand of our father making intersession for you and me. That is some powerful stuff. And sometimes we can't even say Lord please bless jane doe. And we leave it. When I get to heaven I want Jesus to tell me job well done. Now I am a failure I am a striver to get to go home to live with my SAVIOR, MY MASTER, MY REDEEMER.
And in order to do all that I need prayers, and I need to pray for others. This has been on my heart for a very long time. If you have prayer requests leave them here for me and I will pray for you. Or you can email me at hotnanaof_9@sbcglobal.net. I have 10 grand kids now. at the time my daughter set that up for me I had 9. And I love everyone of them. The are seed of me.

I pray that you have a great week, And please note if you ask for prayer I will pray. GOD has been dealing with me about praying for the people I go to church with. I feel like we all need to be lifted up in prayer everyday. God bless you .


Love Nana

Thank You Susan Boyle

I have always told my girls to not judge people, for how they look smell or anything. I found myself at a site the other day. And there was this lady was going to sing. And I said oh my gosh do not embrassed me. And as soon as I said that , I heard this woman sing and her name is Susan Boyle. And I quickly asked God to forgive me. I really was thinking when it comes to American Idol some people get up there and sing and it is like. They have to go on National T.V. And someone tell them they can't sing. I get embrassed for them. Any ways this lady could sing like a mocking bird. But still I was judgemental. And I had to repent, of thinking her singing would embrass me. There is a saying at my oldest daughter's house. It is not about you. And it wasn't thank God it was about Susan Boyle. And she sings like an angel. She has done the things in her life that she wanted to do. Take care of sick parents and stuff, is a blessing. She has blessed me very much. She stepped up and did something that she has always wanted to do. That took courage and strength. Something that I do not have all the time. And I should Cause I have a Heavenly Father that gives me courage, and strength. To see the look on Simon Cowells face was a million dollars. And the young blonde lady said she learned something that night. Well Susan thank you for reminded me. Of who I am suspose to be. I pray that someone signs you up.God Bless to all.

The Love of a Father

I would like to take the time to share something with everyone. I was in town Evansville this week stayed with daughter #4. Had to go to Doctor and all that wonderful stuff. So on way to Dr. I stopped by the store to pick something up and while I was there I picked up a newspaper to take to Dr. with me. So I get to the Dr. and I settle in to read the paper, cause I know it is going to be a wait. So I read this article about this guy who was driving drunk, at Christmas time. He hit the other car who had a boy, his brother sister, and a grandmother I believe. Well the drunk driver was sentenced this week, to 20 and half years in prison. Now this is the part I want to share with everyone. The dad of the young man who was killed stood up and spoke and the following 2 or so paragraphs. Is the father speaking to the man who killed his son.

"Daniel,I can not say that I can forgive you for killing my son and for hurting my other son my daughter and the rest of my family". But I am going to keep praying for that.
But you can rest knowing that you don't need the forgiveness of anybody in this room. Your forgiveness has assured by a loving God.
And I pray that if you have not asked, if you don't know him, that you will.
Contrary to news reports, Terry was a life for about two minutes after your car slammed into his. He was aware of what happened,and he pleaded with Officer Jason Henry. To help him out of the car. He could hear his family crying in pain all around him. He could see the horrific situation that you put him in. Of course there was no way that he could know that even if Officer Henry could of gotten him out, his fate had already been determined.
He could not had known that his ribs had been shattered into hundreds of pieces. And that those pieces fatally punctured his heart, his lungs and many vital organs countless times.
He could not had known that his life was about to tragically end much to soon, that he would not see his brother graduate high school, or his sister grow up or even make it just six days till new year's eve. When he planned to ask his girlfriend to marry him.

For reason's that we can not begin to understand, God has tied you to our family through this tragedy.
For some reason all the seven times you were arrested for drinking and driving,all those times in the past that for what ever reason the court system continued to allow you to manipulate justice until a life was not lost but taken.
All those things lead us here today. Because all these experiences you will now have a voice that comes from a perspective that gives you authenticity to help us bring about change.
Terry could had been saved. You could have been saved from all of this. I pray that as you begin to heal,God will move you to help us make those changes. Don't let this be the last time your heard from. Don't let this define you. Please,for Terry's sake, don't let another life be stolen.
I sat there in the Dr. office with tear's in my eye's. There was several people sitting around me. I looked at the lady to my right, and I asked her would you like to read something that will touch your heart, and she took the paper and she was at awe. We carried a conversation on and then she was called back to see dr.

That took a lot for this Dad to get up and say what he had to say. He was not ruling out he had not forgiven him yet. He knew he would. I sat there and I thought for a few seconds. I do not know if I could do that. I mean after all I have problem forgiving people that have not killed no one in my family. Well I just wanted to share this with you. I know it touched my heart completley. What that father said was very powerful. And he knew where his son was going.
Thank you LORD.
And one part the dad said for reasons' we can not understand God has tied you to our family. Wow what a way to look at it. This has really slapped me upside the head.
God Bless
Nana

The Love of Family

As I was sitting here this Wonderful Sunday morning. Not feeling well at all. The flu has been running in this household. It is just when the kids were younger. If one gets it, hang on cause someone else will be next. It wasn't nothing to have 3 or more sick at the same time. Like the time the girls got chicken pox. LOL My husband was still alive and he was home with them. He was not having alot of fun. LOl. I was just reading Gina's post about the kids rolling Bobby off the couch. And to watch them kids play with their dad, it is such joy. Take's me back to when the kids were younger. And my late husband Donnie was a truck driver. And when he would come in we would talk about how things were going. And with him home it was like the holy spirit resting on us. Now I am not saying he was the holy spirit not at all. But have you been in prayer tremdous praying and then when your done like this peace of loving coming over you. That is what I am talking about. Anyway's I am going to tell a story on Gina. Gina when she was younger she had a tendecy to whine. Now that bother her dad. He would pick on her trying to get her out of that stage. Till she would start fighting back with him. Well one day they were all wrestling and I do not know what he done to her. But anyways. She came in running in our room. And into the bathroom. We had a master bath with french doors. Well donnie was doing something and she stuck her arm the the window or something like that and she connected to him. And gave him a black eye. Now i had to yell at him. Cause natural reflexe's. Well I said to him, later. Well.......... he said well she is where I wanted her to be. She will fight back when she needs to. That is a powerful statement. And Gina and I have talked about that alot. And she says that is why she is the lady she is today. She is a wonderful daughter,mother,and wife. Yes Gina I know your not perfect. Cause she is going to say that when she reads this.
I have daughter's who are wonderful. Sometime's I wish I could go back a few year's but I can't so. I sit and remember my memories in my heart.

My advice to all you mother's with children at home. I know there are day's that are very overwhelming. But it will pass, cause once they are gone. And it is just you and your husband or just one of you left. It get's very overwhelming at time's.
Cherish every moment of their lives. Give them an extra hug and kisss today.

Love and
God bless
Nana

Consulting with God

I learned somethings this morning. I was reading in James, that is the book we are studying for my bible study, group I go to on Wednesday's. James 4:17 says to do right and not do it is sinninng. Now you think that don't hit home. Then there was this question, that has left me doing a lot of thinking today. What is a person saying about God and self, when he doesn't consult with God. Hmmmmmmmm pretty powerful huh. I am guilty about that at times. Some things I can take care of and some things I let God take care of. LOL. Boy I need to get on my knees.
You know I been a christian for only 28 years in May. And I still learn something every day. I will be learning something till the day I go home to be with My SAVIOR.

GOD BLESS
Nana

Choices of Life

A few days ago I talked about our job never ends as parents. That we need to continue to pray without ceasing. The Bible tells us that. I do not know if everyone feels this way. But I am honest enough to say I would like to throw the towel in as a parent. But believe me I never could do that. But there are times that I feel that the things I taught my girls (some) not all of them. Ever sunk in. I was waken this morning by one of my daughter's . Being distraught over a situation and she wanted me to talk to someone about it. And I told her she needed to make the phone call. Now whether or not she does or not it is up to her. Then my youngest daughter brought her son out here last night. And he is staying till Sunday sometime. And she forgot to bring his car seat. So he did not get to go with his Aunt GIGI's to play with the kids. So I just wonder where I went wrong. There was a saying I have heard all my life. Life is what you make of it. And you know that is very true. It 's the choices we make in our life.

Choices:

1. Listen to our Parents.
2. Serve the Lord.(I know some people think that should be 1. but when they are 2 years old your trying to teach them the right ways in life. And tell them about the Lord. Then they choose to accept the Lord or not.)
3. Line their life up with the Lord. Make the right choices. Would Jesus agree with my decision.
4. Choose the right mate in life. Does he have the same desire I do. For a family and to serve the Lord.
5.Have children, bring them up with values and choices and Serving the Lord.
6.Serve the Lord, pay tithes, give alms and serve the poor.
7.And pray for our families. Now I am sure some are not in the right order. But the jest of it is the way we need to live.

I tried to listen to my Mom. I was a good child she will tell you that. But have I always made the right choices. No, I have not. I made wrong choices raising my kids. And then later on in life I made a bad choice. But Thank God he has forgiven me. I love the Lord so much, that sometimes it is overwhelming. He has so much, but yet it is so hard to take it all in at times. I am not sure anyone will understand what I am saying. But I pray that you do.
I am going to leave you with this little tune.

Thank you Lord for your blessings on me. I got a roof up above and a good place to sleep. There's room on my table and shoes on my feet. You gave me your love Lord such a fine family. Thank You Lord for your blessings on me.
God bless have a good day.
Nana

Love unconditionally

I received a phone call this morning. One of my daughter's upset with things in her life. And that got me to thinking. When God placed us with our children. And you know he did. These girls were meant to be mine and no one else's. You pray for them as they are growing up. You pray that God will guide and direct their pathways. Then one day someone catches their attention, and before you know it. They are getting married and then having children. And once again you are praying not only for that child, but for their marriage and their children. Our responsibilities are still at hand till the day God calls us home. They are different responsibilities as when they were younger. Now it is prayer all the time. And trusting and believing that they will follow the Lord. And bring their children up in the ways of the Lord. It is just like Jesus does for us. The word of God says that Jesus is sitting on the right hand of the Father interceding for you and me. That is what Jesus does for us. Well love them while they are still little. Because one day they will say I want to marry so and so. And then you know to the knees you go again. Never ending, love that is what Jesus has for us. And we need to pass it on.

God bless Love Nana

God is Love, and Love is Family

Well Thank God for his hands on my grandson. I know most of you know by now about Elijah. I know that Gina has been blogging about him. And I just want to thank God for everyone's prayers. You know the word of God says that two or more gathered together in his name it shall be done. Gina reminded me of that this morning but it was worded differently. She is my loving daughter and she is also my balance. Most people have husbands, and since my husband is already in the throne room. She has been my balance through out the years. And I thank God for her. When I have been cranky and yesterday I was. She can say mom your cranky. Well okay I think she is right. I would think to myself. And she was. I just came back home from eville. I had to get my haircut. So I can keep my beauty. LOL. No vainness there huh. I am joking. And I was thinking on the way home. How blessed I am with the children I have. And you know. God does give us the kids we have. No one else was to have those children. I look at things in such amazement. I had to be a working mother. Not by choice. And I missed out on so much with my children. I feel at times I deprived them of me. Cause I would come home, had to do school with some of the girls. Supper had to be made, laundry had to be done. Couldn't go to bed till it was done. And on the weekends no fun till all work was done. I missed on so much with them. But at the same time they teach me so much. I sat in amazement. And watch the girls do things. I have the opporunity to watch Gina on a daily basis, and she is so amazing. The other day we were at Becca's are bible study group. And she was preparing coffee making sure everyone had what they needed. Then Gina was there and Becca wanted to have lunch for us. So yes I am very blessed with the daughter's. I know Dixie is so busy with her 5 kids. She works and then on her days off when I talk to her. She is cleaning and doing laundry. Always something to do. But remember one thing never be to busy to talk and to listen. God is so good to me. And I do not even deserve his gracious abounding love. I have been picturing the cross in front of me. And Christ stretched out on it. And this is what it says to me. I loved you this much. And he died. But I can't take time to say thank you LORD. So here is the moral of my writing. Take time to smile at someone today. They may need it real badly. And heck you might even feel better.

God bless
Debbie

THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR BLESSINGS

Well thought I would come on and say hi. I am listening to a song THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR BLESSINGS ON ME. And that is so very true. Who says we need a mansion to live in. The mansion is how we take care of it. As the world looks upon me. As I struggle along, they say I have nothing but they are so wrong. In my heart I am rejoicing, I wish they could see, thank you LORD for your blessings on me. There's a roof up above me and a good place to sleep. There's food on my table and shoes on my feet. You gave me your love Lord and such a fine family. Thank you Lord for your blesssings on me. I know I am not wealthy and these clothes are not new. I don't have much money but lord I have you. And to me that is all that matters , though the world may not see. Thank you Lord for your blessings on me. Well that is so very true, so I am going to leave you with this today.
God bless

Family is like a Tomato Vine

I been sitting and thinking for the last couple days. I am so blessed to have Jesus in my life. Also with the family that he has given me. I been here at Gina's now since last Thursday. I think things are going pretty well. We have not killed each other yet. Lol. I have always sat and watched my girls. I find it very interesting. You raise them all with same values and teach all the same things. But each one has taken a little of what you taught them added to it. And it makes a great family gathering. Like a good recipe, you get a recipe and you add to it or take away to make it your own. That is how it is with each family. But most of all that keep JESUS at the top. And things work great. Oh there will be some kookaburra's but take them off and go on. I thinking about family today. It is like a tomato vine. You put the seed in the ground, then it takes a couple months or so. Then comes the little blooms then comes tomatoes. Some are big, some are medium, and some are small. But they are still tomatoes. They have to be weeded out and watered. Just like the family it has to be weeded out, and watered with prayer and the word of God. I remember when my husband was alive. He loved when it was time to put the garden in. We would get the ground ready, then take our time put the seed in. And then we would pray for God's blessings on the vegetables. And he would take his lawn chair out to the garden and sit and watch for the vegetables to come up. I would say a watch pot never boils.
Well God bless and have a great week.

A Day in Nana's World

Well where do I begin. Well let me try to start from the top. I made a decsion to moving in with my oldest daughter and her family. Then we get a ice storm. That takes out power and all that good stuff. But the funny thinkg is. After the ice was melted . We lost power for 24 hours. Then in the middle of trying to pack and make the move. My youngest daughter decides she wants to keep her sister Dixie's child #4. So I ride with her to Salem, Il. and then Dixie ask me to bring child #3. So we do well at the end of the first week. Becca's husband Wade has to go to northern Ind. for some Child support business. And his brother and sister in law to be come and get him and his crazy wife. LOL. And she asked me to watch Evan and Dixie's little boy. To start on Saturday and they would be home this past Monday. Well guess what this is Feb. 14th and Wade's family is not bringing them back home till sometime this evening. Dixie came and got her two kids yesterday afternoon. And guess what and in the middle of all this mess. My mom has a heart attack. And they do angaplastic surgery on her on Wed. I think not sure of the days. Right now. But now she has dementia they are saying. It can be brought on my unfamiliar surroundings. And a tragic experience. Well I am moved in out here at the ranch. lol. I am doing great with it. I am sure things will do fine. It all takes PRAYER. Well I am fixing to make a run with Gina and the kids. God Bless

Girls....

How we treat our Parents

I have set and been contiplating about a letter I received this week. When I first read the letter I was very hurt. Then I became mad, and then I became anxious now Jesus is working on my heart. This person chewed me up and down one side and another. First asking me did I forget about my mother duties. Then on the next paragraph begging me for something. First of all this person did not know the situation going on at my house. The next thing they don't know my finacial abilities. They just wanted what they wanted, and didn't care. At whose cost it would be.

As I have had a few days to thing about this. It makes me wonder how I treat God. I know there have been things in my life that I have told God you knew this and why did you let this happen. Why didn't you do this instead, you allowed this to happen instead. Then sometimes I just don't praise him enough or thank him enough. Or I think I am to busy, sitting crocheting or sewing something listening to the t.v. Like how long does it take for someone to say God I thank you for me waking up this morning and oh yes, God please take care of these people.That is all it takes. So see I need to see how I treat God. After all he is my heavenly FATHER.

Jesus is Love

Well thank God he is still the God of all things. Went to bible study this morning after last wednesday. And it was just like nothing had happened. Thank you Lord for being in control.

We are studying James. Wow now if you think you have it conquered. Well think again ,cause James let's me know I have so much to work on. My tongue my faith and love for one another. I know one thing when I read God's word I am accountable for what I read. I am also judged for my works. So if I read about love and faith and doing nothing, everything I have read and striving for is dead. Wow take a second to think about that. God wants us to bring others into his kingdom that they will give their hearts to God. But as I read alot of the scriptures he is talking to us christians to do what is right in his eyes. I was reading this week that God was talking to the sheep and the goats. Sheep on one side and the goats on the other side. He told the sheep they could enter. The goats could not they would burn. They had no works to go along with their faith. Faith without works is dead. Jesus means so much to me. LOVE is what JESUS MEANS TO ME.

Lord let me see others hurt and needs. And to pray and love them. To put the flesh out of the way. And let the spirit of God take control.

Lord forgive me help me to be open to you.
In Jesus name Amen

Jesus is our Goal

I belong to a bible study group on Wednesdays. And I absolutely love it. We are studying on James. Wow if you think you have it down pat. Do this study, you will find out you don't. There has been a subject that I felt like we didn't touch and that was politics. Well it came out today at Bible study. Not only about that but about homosexuality. One person thought this way, and another person told what the bible said about it. Well that really trickered things off in away. One person was hurt cause she had an opinion that was the truth, and she thought she made the other person upset with her. And so on. But the neat thing about it all. Is that God stayed in control. Sometimes when we open the bible up and start studying God's word. And it hurts or goes against how we feel about something, we don't count the cost on that issue. I said in the group today, wait there is one thing we have in common and that is JESUS. We have to remember that. Without Jesus in our heart we have nothing. And the only place were going is to hell.

God Bless